Who is the greatest Jewish soccer player ever? It's questions like these that keep us awake at night. That or massive head colds. Let's say both.

Seriously, we have so many soccer profiles, but a large percentage of them are just rumored to be Jewish. When you get down to it, our choice for best soccer Jew ever is down to Jeff Agoos or a quarter of David Beckham. And we can't have that.

So why not Johan Neeskens? The talented midfielder was a lynchpin in the Dutch national team's runner-up finishes in the 1974 and 1978 World Cups, even scoring a goal in the 1974 final. He played for such renowned teams as Ajax Amsterdam and Barcelona, winning numerous accolades.

Here's why not. Neeskens, who is listed Jewish in a number of usually reliable places, is not. If you're going to believe his wife, that is (and trust us, always, always, believe the wife), who says she has no idea how the rumors started in the first place.

Oh well. So it can't be Neeskens. Looks like another fun quest, at least for us soccer fans, right? Just as long as we don't have to settle for Jeff Agoos... Or a quarter of David Beckham.