One day, Steven Spielberg will retire.

Yes, dear readers, it is true. A day will come when Mr. Spielberg will stop making films and start enjoying his senior years, tossing the ball gold nuggets with his grandchildren...

What will we do? What director will we turn to with our unabashed Jewish love? Who will we defend through eternity even as their latest movie disappoints us?

Well, J. J. Abrams seems to want the role, doesn't he?

First, he created TV's Alias and Lost. Then, he helmed the rebirth of Star Trek. And for the coup de grace, he cooperated with Spielberg on the terrific Super 8. He even calls Spielberg his "idol, mentor, and confidante".

So where to next, J. J.? After all, your recent TV endeavors have all been utter failures, and after you fumbled Mission Impossible 3, you decided not to direct the new sequel (although you're still producing)...

What, we said that we would defend you through eternity?

Well, you're not Spielberg... yet.