If you ever read the New York Post (we realize the premise is flimsy; why would anyone read the New York Post?), you will undoubtedly run into the ramblings of Phil Mushnick. A one-time sportswriter, Mushnick now spews as the Post's television critic. And boy, does he spew.

Now, we realize that a critic is supposed to be... critical, but Mushnick hates EVERYTHING. We can just picture him sitting in his room, entrenched in a leathery armchair, a gargamelian smirk on his face, one hand clutching a pen and a notepad, the other feverishly changing the channels on the remote, hoping that something terrible comes on. Because something ALWAYS does.

And we realize that Mushnick is just continuing the timeless Jewish tradition of criticizing and over-analyzing. And we realize that we ourselves are not exactly beacons of sunlight, especially when it comes to the drivel on television. But we hope and pray that we never get to the level that Mushnick is.

Mushnick's biggest pet peeve? Product placement and cross-promotion. Rather ironic, considering he writes for the New York Post. But then, why would anyone read the New York Post...