You might have seen the television ads they've been playing for Captain Morgan rum. A bunch of pirates, a bunch of damsels at a giant party... To Life, Love and Loot!

Now, we understand the ads are not supposed to be realistic, but we can't help but shake our heads. To see all those well-groomed "pirates" with impeccable skin and lovely breasts (on the damsels, not the men)... It couldn't have been like that, could it?

No, being a pirate was not all it's cracked up to be. Living in filth, terrible food, repetitive labor, and scurvy. Lots of scurvy. And the damsels? Well, the type of damsels that are hanging out with pirates... We wouldn't want to touch them with yours.

And, of course, it rarely ended well. If you didn't die from one of hundreds of diseases, you ended up at the gallows. Or lying in some filthy street, stabbed in the back. Not exactly a dream ending.

Some fared better than others, however. Take Moses Henriques, the Dutch Jewish pirate. He captured a Spanish treasure fleet, established his own island off the coast of Brazil, and served as an adviser to Henry Morgan. History is quiet, however, on how he ended up...

But it wasn't at some giant party, we guarantee you that.