The recent Venezuelan election turned the JONJ Headquarters into a standstill. We had a lot riding on this one.

The contenders: Nicolas Maduro, a former bus driver and lackey of Hugo Chavez, and Henrique Capriles, a lawyer and governor who lost the previous election to Chavez.

So why such interest at JONJ? It had nothing to do with of the candidates' political platforms. It even had nothing to do with size of their mustaches.

As it turns out, even though Maduro and Capriles are Catholic, the both have Jewish heritage. The former has paternal Jewish ancestry, the latter is actually 3/4 Jewish. Capriles was actually called a "Zionist agent" by the Chavez-run media.

In any case, allegations of voter corruption be damned, Maduro won by a (mustache) hair, ensuring that Chavez's kooky legacy lives on.

That'll teach us to pay attention to Venezuelan politics...