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    Jonathan Lipnicki

    Jew Score:



    October 22, 1990 —

    We here at JONJ have cute kids. We just do. Yes, yes, all parents say this. But even outside sources who are not in any way predisposed toward children have told us, unbidden, that our children are quite cute.

    So really they must be some kind of super children. Right?

    But no matter how many compliments our kids collect, there's one thing we won't ever consider: forcing them into showbiz. That's just asking for tsuris.

    Take Jonathan Lipnicki, for example. We're sure he was a perfectly normal, happy six-year-old Jewish boy. But because a few people told Mr. and Mrs. Lipnicki that little Jonathan was just too cute for words, instead of Dr. Lipnicki, or Rabbi Lipnicki or Lipnicki, Esq. (just naming possible professions here) we've got, well, precariously employed former child star Jonathan Lipnicki.

    And what does precariously employed former child star Jonathan Lipnicki have to offer the universe? Ummmmm. The hope of a future really cool sex/drug scandal?

    All because his parents couldn't leave well enough alone, realize that cute kid is just another phase between entitled two-year-old and entitled 12-year-old and move on with their lives.

    Well we know better. Far be it from us to force careers on our little future Jew-raters.

    Verdict: Jew.

    July 8, 2013

    See Also

    Tom Cruise

    Jerry Maguire

    Josh Saviano

    Jonathan Taylor Thomas

    Mike Weinberg
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