Hello, Internet? Can you stop your constant running and sit down for a moment? We need to have a talk. Would you like some coffee? Of course, you would like some coffee.

This Rafael Nadal is Jewish rumor you are spreading? Can you stop, please? You see, most people just read the headline and not the rest of the story, which is pretty much hogwash. But isn't that your point, Internet?

Here, let us dissect this rumor for you. The basis of such absurdity is that Nadal's full name is Rafael Nadal Parera, and "Parera" is a converso name. Therefore, Jew!

Things like these just make us shake our head. Do you know many supposedly converso names are out there? Hundreds! "Torres" is one. Are you going to assume everyone named Torres is Jewish, Internet? Don't say yes, we beg you!

Even if Parera is a converso name, what does that even mean? That Nadal possibly had a long-departed Jewish ancestor. Well, guess what, Internet? If you look at most of Spain and delve into its plethora of last names, we bet you will find a converso name in the ancestry of anyone from King Juan Carlos I to a common street whore!

Are we good, Internet? More coffee? Alright then, be on your way. And remember: Pete Sampras is part Jewish. You don't need to look so hard to finish a Jewish tennis champion!

Sheesh.