Israel!

Have we got a Winter Olympics solution for you!

Here you are, yet again, with little chance of medaling... And it's completely understandable, since your country has more desert than ice. Have you ever heard of short track skating?

Anything can happen in short track! Favorites fall inches before the finish line! Skaters are disqualified left and right! If you are interfered with, you advance even if you finish dead last! Heck, a few years ago, an Australian — an Australian! — won the gold because everyone in front him of him fell down.

Here's your chance, Israel! Just find a Jew — any Jew will do! — put him or her on skates, and hope for what inevitably will happen!

Oh. Israel actually had a short track skater. He competed in three distances, and didn't advance in a single one. We guess no one fell. Darn.

Let's try again in four years?