"This is Jew or Not Jew Radio, coming to you live, on location, from the shores of the River Styx. Tonight, we're brought to you by Moishe's Maggots: for the best flesh-eating, kosher-style maggots, you gotta go to Moishe's. Our guest tonight is Bram Stoker, author of such novels as 'Dracula', and... ummmm... 'Dracula'."

I'll have you know, I wrote over ten novels!

"That's great. Let's cut to the chase. Is Count Dracula Jewish?"

Are you insane? I dragged my decomposing derriere through four levels of Hell for this?

"You see Bram — can I call you Bram? — You see Bram, some researchers have proclaimed that Dracula, with his big nose and ears, his drinking of blood and his hatred of Christianity, is an antisemitic Jewish stereotype."

Surely, you can't be serious!

"Bram, we at JONJ Radio never joke. So, is it true? Is Vlad the Impaler merely the secret identity of Schlomo the Kosher Butcher?"

Oy, you people are worse than that perv Anne Rice. I'm outta here.

"But, Bram! Wait, Mr. Stoker! We've yet to ask for your opinion on Count Chocula..."