June 24, 1895 – May 31, 1983
We get a lot of suggestions on our website. Some good, some not so much. All of them get written on a card, the cards get tossed into a giant bag, and a trained parrot selects one three times a week. (Yes, attentive readers, it used to be not a parrot, but a guinea pig. The guinea pig died. There is less fecal matter with a bird. But we digress.)
Today, Rodrigo (the parrot's name is Rodrigo) pulled out "Jack Dempsey" from the bag. A terrific suggestion, right? Dempsey was world heavyweight boxing champion in the 1920s, and was, apparently, part Jewish. (Also part Irish and Cherokee. Raised Mormon. We list that for those who like our website to "stick to the facts". You know who you are.)
As we sat down to write this profile, we made a grave mistake. It was an unseasonably warm day, and the window was left open. Rodrigo saw the opportunity and flew the proverbial coop.
Dear readers of Northern New Jersey! We implore you, if you spot a parrot who answers to Rodrigo (distinguishing features: tail is missing three feathers, right eye is scratched out, can swear in Yiddish), please contact us immediately! Without our dear parrot, how would we ever select what profiles to write?
How would you ever read profiles as fascinating as this one?
Verdict: Barely a Jew.
March 22, 2017