Red Sonja. Red Dawn. Red Heat. Red Scorpion. All fantastic 80s movies, but all so vastly different! To witness:

Scorpion starred Dolph Lundgren. Heat starred Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sonja starred Schwarzenegger and Brigitte Nielsen, Lundgren's wife in Rocky IV. Dawn starred Patrick Swayze, which is neither here nor there.

Dawn was about a Soviet invasion of the US. Scorpion was about a Soviet invasion of Africa. Heat was about a Soviet cop working with Americans. Sonja was about a warrior princess, who was red, but not Soviet.

Sonja was panned by critics. Scorpion was panned by critics. Dawn was panned by critics. Heat was actually received somewhat favorably.

Heat was written by Walter Hill, best known for directing 48 Hours. Dawn was written by Kevin Reynolds, best known for directing that Kevin Costner classic, Waterworld. Scorpion was written by Jack Abramoff...

Let us stop ourselves right there. Yes, Red Scorpion was written by THAT Jack Abramoff, the disgraced lobbyist who was sent to jail a decade ago. In fact, Scorpion was a pet project for him — he also produced.

Sonja was written by...

No, really. THAT Jack Abramoff wrote and produced a terrible 80s movie where Dolph Lundgren played a Soviet soldier.

Somewhat fantastic, isn't it?