Hooray, the World Cup is here! We can't wait to root for the Americans on the world's biggest stage!

No Americans? Oh, crap.

Hooray, the World Cup is here! We can't wait to profile the best Jewish soccer players in the world!

No Jews? Oh, crap.

Seriously, 32 teams, 23 players each, 736 total, and not even one Jew? Crap.

Well, at least there is a Moses (Victor Moses, Nigeria), a Saul (just Saul, Spain), and a Jesus (Gabriel Jesus, Brazil)...

Is that really the best we can do?

Crap.