Dear Mr. Katzenberg,

Please don't take our advice. What do we know, anyway, just some guys running a random Jew-rating website? You know Hollywood — heck, you ARE Hollywood, with your role in resurrecting Disney and creating DreamWorks. We bow to you, Mr. Katzenberg, and your neatly-shaved head.

But here is the thing, Mr. Katzenberg. Your new venture, Quibi? It just doesn't sound right. No, not its name (that doesn't sound right either, but we are not marketing experts, so we'll let it slide). We just don't think that you will get enough people to pay for 10-minute clips, when the whole world of YouTube is out there for free, when Netflix offers 10,000 times the content for just a slightly larger fee.

Finally, Mr. Katzenberg, we think you made one crucial error. You made it impossible for your subscribers to watch Quibi on anything but a phone. We're sure you did your research; how could you not? All we know that the now-twelve-year-old recently told us of a poll taken in his sixth grade class. The kids were asked, would they rather watch a video on a small phone or a large TV? The vote was 19-1 in favor of TV. That's hard data, Mr. Katzenberg!

That being said, maybe we're wrong. Maybe Quibi will soar, despite its multitude of limitations. Time will tell, Mr. Katzenberg...

(Editor's update, October 21, 2020: Time quickly told.)