15 years ago, when we were on profile 500, give or take, we were THIS close to profiling Brad Pitt. You see, Quentin Tarantino had a little movie coming out about Jewish resistance fighters, and Pitt has a major role! Brad Pitt! Playing a Jew! Could it be?...

It wasn't. The movie, of course, is "Inglorious Basterds", and Pitt played Aldo Raine, the only goy on a Jewish squad. (We have to give Tarantino props by not trying to turn Pitt into a Jew. That would have not been exactly believable.)

So we profiled Melanie Laurent instead, who is Jewish, and played a Jew in the film. And Christoph Waltz (Not a Jew, but has a Jewish son!). And three of the Jewish Basterds: Eli Roth, BJ Novak, and Samm Levine. And Tarantino himself (Not a Jew!).

But in the years since, why haven't we profiled Pitt? It's not like we don't profile famous Hollywood goys! We've done Pitt's goyishe exes: Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. We've done his goyishe BFF George Clooney. We've done Matt Damon, Bruce Willis, and Ben Affleck! We've done freakin' Kevin Costner, for crying out loud! Look at all these Not a Jews!

So, here we go. Profile #3500.