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    Darth Vader

    Jew Score:
    6

    I0

    O1

    K5
    (Anakin Skywalker)

    Many Bothans died to bring you the image on the right.

    When they finally delivered it to us, hidden in the hard drive of a damaged R2 unit, we were confused. Hebrew lettering on Darth Vader's chest? What could it mean?

    Clearly, he's not Jewish. First of all, Exodus clearly states that the Skywalker tribe chose to stay in Egypt instead of following Moses to the promised land. Plus, Vader's whole dedication to the Force and not the Talmud means he can't have converted. Then there's the constant choking. Maybe if he slaughtered his enemies with guilt. But, no.

    But if Vader is just another lightsaber-wielding, pig-consuming Gentile, why the Hebrew letters? Easy: Vader's TAILOR must have been Jewish!

    Now see that makes sense. Some poor landsman working on the Death Star designing all those meshuggenah outfits for the Empire. And when he did Vader's suit — his piece de resistance, if you will — he decided to add a little personal touch.

    Can't you just see it now? A little man with a beard and a yarmulke scrambling around the Imperial halls patching torn uniforms, checking Vader's inseam, collecting payment from the Emperor...

    It makes too much sense to not be true. We've just got to hope our little friend got off the space station before the whole thing went kablooey.

    Verdict: Sadly, not a Jew.

    October 31, 2008

    See Also

    Hayden Christensen

    Mark Hamill

    Irvin Kershner

    George Lucas

    Yoda
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