As a service to our regular goyishe readers (12 and growing!) we will now present the reasons to convert to Judaism.

1. The food — Jews eat well. Chicken soup, knish, kugel, corned beef... and those are just the goodies that are alliterative. Seriously, Jews are a zaftig people for a reason.

2. The men — Listen, non-Jewish women. Do you want a man who will appreciate everything you do? A husband who will cook and clean and thank you for the privilege? A true provider who will be good with the kids and in the bedroom? Then the Jew is the man for you (plus that whole penis thing is just a myth. Yay Milton Berle!)

3. The humor — It's our humor that's sustained us for 5000 years, after all. There simply isn't a lot of intrinsic humor in the other religions. There's no such thing as EpiscopalianOrNotEpiscopalian.com for a reason.

And that's about it.

So yes, it's a little ridiculous to say that Tim Whatley, the dentist from Seinfeld (in one of the best episodes of TV, all categories, ever) converted to Judaism just for the jokes. But honestly, there just aren't that many other reasons out there.