Do British children ever have to research their family tree for school? If they do, then we have to assume that David Cameron, the new prime minister, completed one sometimes. (Your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, young David, was King William IV, did you know? Of course, since the King bore our ancestor out of wedlock, you can't be in line for the throne, but you could still grow up to be prime minister some day. Now, here's some tea and crumpets.)

But King William and his wow-not-at-all-attractive-but-probably-lovely-for-her-time mistress Dorothea Jordan are only one small branch of Cameron's overall tree. (Do we really have to talk about this, David? Do you really need to write about all our ancestors? Oh very well. But at least have another crumpet, yes?)

So what about one of David's great-great-grandfathers, Emile Levita? No royalty there. The German-born businessman emigrated to England in the 1850s, became a director of a major bank, and married into high society. (What? Oh, no nothing wrong with that. Nothing 'tall. Why, yes, now that you mention it, the name and story does sound very... well, you know. Anyway, have some more tea, dear. Mustn't go without your tea.)

So that would make Cameron just a tad Jewish. (But don't worry, Davey. Emile's son Arthur, your great-grandfather, married the possibly-lovely Steffie Cooper, a relative of King George III. So you're even more royal. And a little more inbred. But then again, aren't we all? More tea?)

(Thanks, mum.)