Chances are, memories of your first real love are bittersweet (unless you married him/her, in which case, ummmmm... congrats!). Maybe you fought every day. Maybe he was uber-possessive. Maybe she was super needy. Of course, now you're in a good relationship. And you look back and think, wow, how did I put up with that? But how could you know those things were wrong, really? After all, you were in love.

So it goes with Shawn Green. Once he escaped Cito Gaston's inexplicable doghouse of horrors (also the name of the newest coaster at Six Flags this summer, BTW) in Toronto and started hitting balls into Lake Ontario, it was love at first sight.

A great Jewish hitter? We hadn't seen that in well...ever! (Unless you were old enough to remember Hank Greenberg, in which case you probably no longer possessed the power of sight.) So who cared if his strike out rate was a little high. Or if his batting average was a little low. Or if, by the time he hit free agency, he was overpaid and injury prone. Just let us have this one g-ddammit!

Anyway, nowadays we have Ryan Braun. The total package. So there's no harm in reminiscing. It makes you appreciate what you have today. Oh Ryan... (ahem, where we we? Oh yes, Shawn Green).

And y'know what? Shawn wasn't so bad. We had some good times. Remember when he hit four home runs in one game and broke the Dodgers season record? Those were the days.

But really, isn't everyone better off now that we've moved on?