Someone call Elijah, it's your 2007 baseball messiah!
Not that we don't have Jewish baseball stars now. Shawn Green and Mike Lieberthal are finishing off nice careers. Kevin Youkilis is doing quite well for himself. Brad Ausmus plays every day. But when we look at the league on the whole, well, there's not a lot of greatness out there. Where's the Koufax? The Greenberg? The all star, hall of fame, superduper, baseball Jew?
You probably haven't heard of him yet (much like Job, G-d is testing Braun by forcing him to play in Milwaukee) but you will. At this moment he's batting over .330, getting on base nearly 40% of the time, and slugging at .672 (for comparison, McGwire slugged .752 the year he hit 70). And he's a rookie. And he's got speed. And then there's this:
"(Being Jewish) is something that draws a lot of interest and something I take pride in."
Man. Oh. Man.
Sure, he doesn't attend temple regularly, but he is a member of a Milwaukee synagogue. And sure, his mother isn't Jewish, but when has that ever stopped us from claiming someone before? As far as we're concerned, it's time to find the afikomen, pour some Manishewitz, and throw open the front door, because Ryan Braun is the real deal.
The Hebrew Hammer, indeed!
IMPORTANT: All standard restrictions apply. Jew or Not Jew is not responsible for the above statements if the player is injured, accused of using PEDs, mysteriously stops hitting, renounces his religion, or is traded to Tampa.
(Editor's update, June 5, 2013: It was #2. Profile invalidated. Dammit.)