With football season once again upon us, it is time for that most sacred of rituals: the accumulation of snacks. Because what's the point of spending all Sunday in a reclined position if we can't also indulge our bulging waistlines as well?

And what would be the most Jewish snack you could have? Why the kosher hot dog in a blanket of course! Which, ummmm, doesn't help with this profile. OK, what's the second most Jewish snack you could have? (whew)

Redenbacher, despite the vaguely Jew-esque name, is so goyishe he actually qualifies as pork according to strict translation of the kashrut, so popcorn is out. Pretzels seem like they ought to be Jewish, but were invented by monks to look like someone praying, so they're gone, too. Potato chips' origins are probably apocryphal and so are, at best, most likely agnostic.

But the cheese curl, well, there you're on solid, holy ground my friend. Because in the 1950s, Morrie Yohai, World War II veteran and inheritor of the King Kone franchise (which also made melba toast, for whatever that is worth), invented the Cheez Doodle. A puffed corn cheese snack that is enjoyed by... oh why even pretend?

Frankly, we can't stand the things. They are a mushy, flavorless, mess of a snack and if hating them betrays our people and our culture then so be it. Yes, we would repudiate our own beliefs and heritage rather than even talk about Cheez Doodles, let alone eat them.

Lord, if you lead us out of the desert and into the Promised Land why couldn't you at least have provided us with decent snacking foods!? Oh, right, hot dogs in a blanket. Never mind.