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    (Raymond Joseph Teller)
    February 14, 1948 —

    How does one go about writing a profile of a person — like famed magician Teller — who does not speak?

    Do you simply leave the entire profile blank?

    Or maybe you go on to speculate as to why Teller chooses to stay silent: His voice is hideous, like Bobcat Goldthwait or Barbra Streisand. Or Teller's voice is like that of Marvel Comics mainstay Black Bolt, whose mere whisper can wipe out a planet. (That would be kinda cool, actually. Though it would probably reduce the number of tickets he sells to his many appearances.) Or his voice is just totally awesome and sounds exactly like James Earl Jones. It wouldn't explain his silence, but it would be a very memorable moment when he opened his mouth for the first time.

    On the other hand, maybe you ask a series of rhetorical questions about Teller: Is he only silent on stage or is he quiet at all times? Does he talk at home? How does he order dinner at a restaurant? Does he just point and gesture? What about grunting? Could he grunt? Or does that break the rules?

    Or, you could just ramble on and on and on and on about nothing for a few paragraphs, point out that Teller has Jewish ancestry but didn't even know it himself until recently and then slap a verdict on the profile and move on.

    But that seems like kind of a cop out.

    Verdict: Borderline Jew.

    December 30, 2011

    See Also

    David Blaine

    David Copperfield

    Harry Houdini


    Barbra Streisand
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