"Rudolph! RUDOLPH! Where are you, you big-nosed freak?"

"Santa?"

"Oh, it's you, Dasher. Have you seen Rudolph?"

"Ummmmm..."

"Don't ummmmm me!"

"He's praying, Santa..."

"Praying? I better check the chapel."

"He is not at chapel, Santa."

"Not at chapel? Then where the freak is he?"

"Horowitz's house."

"Who the heck is Horowitz?"

"Saul Horowitz. Elf #24-60-1. Head foreman, model trains division."

"Oh, right, one of those. Always asks for weird holidays off."

"That's him."

"So what's Rudolph doing at his house?"

"They needed a minyan."

"What in God's good graces is a minyan?"

"Well, Horowitz's great aunt passed away, and they needed ten men..."

"These are not men! These are elves! And a freaking reindeer! Tell me, Dasher, have you been nice to Rudolph?"

"We have, Santa."

"Have you involved him in your reindeer games?"

"We have."

"And is he... seeing someone?"

"Yes, he's seeing Jane."

"Oh, she's a frisky one. They are happy together?"

"They seem to be..."

"Then why on God's green Earth would he go to Horowitz's house?"

"He says he has to stay true to his roots..."

"Darn it, Dasher! It's Christmas Eve! We NEED Rudolph!"

"I know, Santa..."

"We need his nose to get through the darned fog!"

"I don't know what to do, Santa."

"Go to Horowitz's house. Bring a gift."

"What kind of a gift?"

"How the freak should I know? Candles, maybe? Those people seem to enjoy candles."

"And then what?"

"Just get Rudolph out!"

"Yes, Santa."

"On, Dasher! And don't return without him!"

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was created by Robert L. May, Jew, who supposedly based the character on his experiences as a child.