In the olden days, Christians were not allowed to lend money. Neither a borrower nor a lender be, says Christ, yadda yadda. So they hired Jews.

In the 20th century, Christians could not write Christmas songs. So once again, they hired Jews. Not sure what Jesus had against festive songwriting. For his own supposed birthday, at that.

Exaggerating, are we? Once again dipping into that deep well of hyperbole? Not this time.

"White Christmas" and "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm"? Music and lyrics by Irving Berlin, Jew.

"Let It Snow"? Music by Jule Styne, Jew. Lyrics by Sammy Cahn, Jew.

"I'll Be Home for Christmas"? Music by Buck Ram, Jew (yes, Buck Ram: not a porn name, but Jew!). Lyrics by Walter Kent, Jew.

We can keep going. You just watch.

"Winter Wonderland"? Music and lyrics by Felix Bernard, Jew.

"Silver Bells"? Music by Jay Livingston, Jew. Lyrics by Ray Evans, Jew.

What, you want more?

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"? Music and lyrics by Johnny Marks, Jew.

"Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"? Music by the Velvet Fog himself, Mel Torme, Jew. Lyrics by Torme and Bob Wells, Jew.

Don't stop us now, dear readers...