Wasn't that easy, Jodie? All you had to do was get up on that stage and loudly proclaim it to the whole country — to the whole world.

But you see, Jodie, we wanted something different. Oh sure, what you said — and how you said it — made a statement. Your lifestyle will no longer be questioned; you have made yourself clear for those who lingered in the dark. Your announcement put you on the front page of every newspaper and website...

Just not ours.

We know that you live your life with an open-mindedness rarely seen. But we also know that your family celebrates both goyishe and Jewish holidays. And yes, we understand that you don't have to make a decision, and you definitely don't have to make it public.

But it would be nice if you did...