"Order, order! Everybody come to order! The semi-annual International Eyebrow League is in session. Interim chairman Peter Gallagher presiding."

"Settle down, everyone, please. The first issue on our agenda is election of a new chairman. Can we please take a moment of silence for the departed Andy Rooney..."

"Thank you. The nominees: from the Canadian Jewish Eyebrow Party, you know him from American Pie, Eugene Levy. From the Universal Unibrows, basketball player Anthony Davis. And from the New England Eyebrow Association and close to two decades on Law & Order, Sam Waterston. Please turn in your ballots at the end of each row."

"And now we will disperse to your assigned sessions. Your first options are the following: In Room 101, Frida Kahlo and the Eyebrow in Art. In Room 102, Leonid Brezhnev: the Man, the Myth, the Eyebrows. In Room 103, the Groucho Marx Lookalike Competition. Finally, in Room 104, Tweezers: the Eyebrow's Biggest Enemy. Enjoy, everyone!"