August 25, 1981 —
When people ask about our first job, we quickly change the subject. Stocks? Politics? Genocide? Your brand new car? We'll discuss anything to avoid unearthing our deep, dark secret.
Ah, fuck it.
We sold women's shoes.
That's right, at some point during high school, our parents decided that we needed blah blah blah you know how the story goes. End result: Women's shoes. G-d help us all.
So now, when we go to the mall and come up to a shoe store, we quickly speed up. When the wife asks how her new acquisition looks, we mumble and swear under our breath. When a television commercial for some shoe website touts Rachel Bilson as a fashion icon... What are you doing with your life, Rachel? You had such potential! Why are you selling women's shoes? Women's shoes!
G-d, it feels good to get it off our chest.
Verdict: Borderline Jew.
October 7, 2013