Somewhere, under a bridge in Staten Island...
Papa Troll: I'm home, wife!
Mama Troll: How was your day, dear?
Papa: Just the pits! Where's that beer?
Mama: I scrounged four bottles today. Here, I mixed them for you.
Papa: (gulps down) You ask how my day was? My day was crap! Some of these people tried to cross the bridge...
Mama: What people?
Papa: You know WHAT people!
Papa: They try to cross the bridge, and I say to them, I say pay the toll, and they try to jew me down!
Mama: Dear, you know they are like that...
Papa: Is there more beer?
Snooki: Hi, daddy! Hi, mommy! I got some exciting news!
Papa: You know what would be exciting news? Another fucking beer.
Snooki: Oh, daddy! The beer can wait! The test results finally came!
Papa: Let me guess. Chlamydia.
Snooki: (laughs) No, daddy, those results are not for another week! This was my DNA test!
Papa: D-N-what? What kind of a disease is that?
Snooki: It's not a disease, daddy! You know I'm having a baby...
Papa: (mumbles) The spawn of Satan...
Snooki: And I wanted to find out what my heritance was! Here, read!
Papa Troll puts on reading glasses.
Papa: I can't make it out.
Snooki: I'll help you! See, it says I'm part Romani?
Papa: We call it I-talian.
Snooki: No, papa. Romani! I asked on the street corner. That means gypsy!
Papa: I'll be damned!
Snooki: And that's not all! Look here! I got some Asian in me!
Papa: (mumbles) You had some Asian in you last week...
Snooki: And here, look, I'm part Jew!
Papa: Let me see that! (grabs paper) Ashken-Nazi? What the fuck is Ashken-Nazi?
Snooki: I dunno, it's some Jew thing!
Papa: Some Jew thing? SOME JEW THING! I'm no fucking Jew! It must come from your side of the family, wife! No wonder you always defend them!
Mama: Snookums is adopted, dear.
Papa: Oh, right, I forgot. Now where the fuck is that beer?