Cameron Diaz got married recently. Why do we care?

Honestly, we don't. A long-past-it actress wed some musician we barely heard of. Not a Jew in sight. Yawn.

Then why the heck did they have a Jewish wedding?

And then it hit us. Celebrities WANT to be Jewish. They live such a hollow life, these Hollywood types. Oh, sure, it looks glamorous to the outsider: the movies, the gowns, the jewels, the parties. Where is the substance?

We, Jews, offer substance. We offer a culture based on millennia of thought and reflection. We offer centuries of tradition. We offer rituals of criticism and arguing. Goyishe celebrities can have it all... and yet they can't have THAT.

We still don't care.