Hiya there, Jewish folks! I am Lepus Paschalis, but you might know me as the Eastern Bunny. Sigh...

Let me get right to it, Jewish folks. I'm really fed up with all this Easter mishegas. (Mishegas? Am I using it right?) Oh, sure, painting eggs sounds like fun, and, you know, maybe it is. The first time you do it. NOT THE MILLIONTH TIME. How many more eggs do you want, goyim! I feel for your poor chickens!

Speaking of chickens, do you know the full story of the Easter Bunny? Somehow, I am supposed to turn into a bird! I, Lepus Paschalis, family Leporidae, order Lagomorpha, class Mammalia! Into a bird! You know who came up with this mishegas (Please tell me I'm using it right!)? Germans! As if you, Jewish folks, needed another reason not to trust those guys.

And then there is the Jesus thing. I still don't understand what that has to do with me and those eggs. Does the egg symbolize Jesus? Do I? I tell you, Jewish folks, I wouldn't put anything past these mishegas (?!?!?!) goyim!

I almost forgot: Easter clothes. Talk about setting fashion back a century. Barf!

Where was I? Oh, yes. My reason for writing this letter. Jewish folks, do you need a mascot? Perhaps one of your wonderful holidays could use a smart, healthy, toothy, fashion-forward rabbit? Passover falls around the same time of the year... And I do love those delicious crackers!

Please write back. I don't think I can take another year of these darn eggs...