That's right menschen, Mahatma Gandhi, perhaps one of the greatest men who ever lived, IS A JEW.
Raised by his parents Karamchand and Putlibai Gandhiwicz, the Mahatma changed his name when he entered the political arena in South Africa as part of his overall campaign to appear "more Indian".
In fact, many of Gandhi's philosophical beliefs were based on his Jewish upbringing — his policy of peaceful protest, for instance, was inspired by the guilt trips he received from his mother growing up. However, she was not impressed by this tribute and was often known to complain, "when are you going to stop with this vow of celibacy mishegas and give me a grandchild."
There are other surprising instances where snippets of Gandhi's secret upbringing appeared unexpectedly. He refused to meet with British officials on Friday nights. He had a predilection for breaking his hunger strikes by ordering out for Chinese. And after one speech he apparently shouted, "Next year in Jerusalem! Er, India!"
Shocking? Yes. And yet, deep in our hearts, it just feels right. Like we've always subconsciously known it to be true. So it is with more than a little sense of pride that we present the following, incontrovertible truth: