Anyone remember "That 70s Show"? It ran for eight years on Fox? Supposedly launched careers of a bunch of young actors? No, we didn't watch it either. Still, let's see what that supposedly stellar cast is up to now!
Mila Kunis: That's a terrific way to start. From Fox sitcoms to Oscar-nominated movies to a permanent spot on the Hot Jewish Actress Mount Rushmore. Hooray for Mila!
Ashton Kutcher: He married Demi Moore, which was weird, and was in camera ads, and was in a bunch of bad movies, including the other Steve Jobs film, and... married Mila Kunis. Hooray for Mila?
Topher Grace: He was Venom in "Spider-Man 3"! Remember "Spider-Man 3"? It didn't just kill the franchise, it killed Topher's career. Here's where we mention he is a quarter Jewish.
Laura Prepon: After years in Hollywood purgatory, she reappeared on "Orange Is the New Black". Here's where we mention she is a half Jewish... although we already decided Topher is gonna headline this profile. Sorry, Laura.
Wilmer Valderrama: Well, what do you know? We thought he was dead, but he is starring as the titular prince "Charming" in a 2017 animation "from the creators of Shrek". So, not dead.
Danny Masterson: Abducted by Scientology. We're not making this up.
The winner? Kunis, duh. Even with points deducted for that Kutcher marriage...