Anyone remember "That 70s Show"? It ran for eight years on Fox? Supposedly launched careers of a bunch of young actors? No, we didn't watch it either. Still, let's see what that supposedly stellar cast is up to now!
Mila Kunis: That's a terrific way to start. From Fox sitcoms to Oscar-nominated movies to a permanent spot on the Hot Jewish Actress Mount Rushmore. Hooray for Mila!
Ashton Kutcher: He married Demi Moore, which was weird, and was in camera ads, and was in a bunch of bad movies, including the other Steve Jobs film, and... married Mila Kunis. Hooray for Mila?
Topher Grace: He was Venom in "Spider-Man 3"! Remember "Spider-Man 3"? It didn't just kill the franchise, it killed Topher's career. Here's where we mention he is a quarter Jewish.
Laura Prepon: After years in Hollywood purgatory, she reappeared on "Orange Is the New Black". Here's where we mention she is a half Jewish... although we already decided Topher is gonna headline this profile. Sorry, Laura.
Wilmer Valderrama: Well, what do you know? We thought he was dead, but he is starring as the titular prince "Charming" in an upcoming animation "from the creators of Shrek". So, not dead.
Danny Masterson: Abducted by Scientology and accused of rape. We're not making this up.
The winner? Kunis, duh. Even with points deducted for that Kutcher marriage...