Even us Jews know about Jesus' apostles, the original goyishe posse. There were 12 of them, right?

Not exactly. There was a little problem with good old Judas... something about selling someone out, and it turned out to be rather important. So he was kicked out of the gang, and a replacement had to be found. We don't know why they couldn't just stick with 11, but rules are rules.

While the OGs were all hand-picked by Jesus, he was indisposed at the moment (dead), so Peter came up with an idea: an election! Two men (of course they would have to be men, duh) would be nominated. The winner, chosen by drawing of lots, will join the posse.

Your candidates: Joseph called Barsabas (pick one!) and Matthias (just Matthias). Lots were cast, and Matthias won, becoming the 13th apostle. (No, not a title of Dan Brown's new book... At least not yet.)

This raises many questions. Why were these two nominated? Were there lobbyists? Under-the-table payouts? Why did Peter leave it to blind chance? Was a formal vote too logical an option?

In any case, Matthias joined the ranks, and now is listed about equals, saint and everything... all because of randomness. And what happened to Joseph (Barsabas?)? He became a saint as well. You know how the goyim like to give that out to pretty much anyone.