John: "Cousin Joshua, is that you?"

Jesus: "Yeah, it's me. But the name is Jesus now."

John: "Jebus?"

Jesus: "Not Jebus, Jesus."

John: "Fine, cousin Jesus. What you've been up to?"

Jesus: "Oh, just wandering the desert..."

John: "That gets pretty boring!"

Jesus: "You're telling me. After 40 days, I did meet this interesting fellow..."

John: "Satan?"

Jesus: "No, I don't think that was his name. I want to say... Bob? Not sure, exactly."

John: "What did Bob want?"

Jesus: "Who knows, I was pretty out of it by then. Anywhoo, can you do me a favor?"

John: "I guess?"

Jesus: "Can you baptize me?"

John: "Bap-what?"

Jesus: "Baptize. You basically dunk my head in water. Any water will do. We can use a bucket, or go to that river over there."

John: "You want me to dunk your head... in water?"

Jesus: "Yep."

John: "Are you high? Did Bob slip you some wacky weed or something?"

Jesus: "God damn it, John, I'm not high! It's just something that needs to be done!"

John: "Okay... I guess... We do this... now?"

Jesus: "No, give me a couple of days to get a bunch of people to come witness it. Oh, one more thing. You can't let anyone know we're related."

John: "But why? We're cousins! We always had your family over for Passover because aunt Mary can't cook!"

Jesus: "You keep mom out of it!"

John: "You always used to throw rocks at my head when we were kids..."

Jesus: "Yeah, but who is to know that. So if anyone asks, you say 'I do not know him'."

John: "This makes no sense!"

Jesus: "Oh, none of this makes any sense! Just stop arguing and do what I say!"