Are you ready for a stupid story? Because this is a very, very stupid story. Let's go!

In the 6th century, a man called Theophilus lived in Adana (that's southern Turkey). Theo was a very pious man who was elected to be the local bishop. But he was also a very humble man, so he decided to pass on the position.

Another man became bishop. At a later point, Theo was up for a position of archdeacon (we assume that's below bishop?), but the new guy denied him. Oh, was Theo pissed off! So he did the only thing he could think of: he sold his soul to the Devil.

Let's backtrack for a minute. He found a Jewish necromancer, apparently named Salatin, who helped him sell his soul to the Devil.

Ah, shit. You know, we're not even surprised here. Sure, a Jewish necromancer who had a direct connection to Satan. Why the hell not?

Now, apparently this Theophilus was real, and the story is obviously not, but it's one of the first instances in literature of a man making a deal with the Devil. To become a freaking bishop! Eternal life, sure, to become a great blues musician, sure, but a bishop? A position he could have had in the first place, if only not for his supposed humility?

Believe it or not (don't believe it), it worked out for Theo at the end. He realized the error of his ways and prayed a whole lot. He then confessed to the real bishop, who burned the contract, which apparently was enough to make it null and void (no electronic signatures back in the day). On the spot, Theo died from ecstasy. Oh, and the goyim made him into a saint.

Told you this is stupid.