"You want results, you have to go to the Schwarzeneggers, the Stallones, and to a lesser extent, the Van Dammes." — Bart Simpson

Oh, Bart! For such a child of the 80s (you were a child of the 80s once), it doesn't end with the Van Dammes. Have you ever have heard of Michael Dudikoff?

Well, this is not exactly a profile of the very goyishe Michael Dudikoff, who probably wished he was Van Damme. If Van Damme was a B-movie star, you would never be able to classify Dudikoff as more than a C, but it was those C-movies that played around the clock on television back in the day. (In the New York area, channels 9 and 11 FTW!)

Dudikoff was the star of "American Ninja" and its sequel, "American Ninja 2: The Confrontation" (but not "American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt"). In those movies... you know, it doesn't matter. You can pretty much guess it from the title. What does matter is that those first two were directed by Shmulik "Sam" Firstenberg, an Israeli Jew, master of the 80s (and 90s) C-movies. Some of his other titles include "Revenge of the Ninja", "Ninja III: The Domination", "Avenging Force", "American Samurai", Cyborg Cop", "Blood Warriors", and, of course, "Cyber Cop II".

Interestingly, Dudikoff wasn't even first choice for his "American Ninja" role. It was... Chuck Norris.

Another one you missed, Bart!