Dear Miss Louis-Dreyfus,

It's Jew or Not Jew. The plucky website that researches whether people are Jewish are not. Writing to you once again.

You see, we always thought you were Jewish. After all, your father is Jewish billionaire Gerard Louis-Dreyfus. You are even related to the unfairly scapegoated Jew Alfred Dreyfus of the Dreyfus Affair.

We figured out that your mother is not Jewish. She is a mixture of Pennsylvania Dutch and Anglo stock.

But even with that, we held out hope. We dismissed reports of you wearing a cross, and of the radio interview in which you supposedly claimed that you were not Jewish... We didn't see the photos. We didn't listen to the interview.

We were gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, Miss Louis-Dreyfus. And... well, we can't anymore.

For right there, in the opening seconds of a public service ad for American Jewish World Service, you say, "I am not Jewish."

We're crestfallen, Miss Louis-Dreyfus. Could you perhaps reconsider? We even bought the full DVD set of "The New Adventures of Old Christine". Just because of you. Heck, we might even watch it one day.

Still holding out hope,

Jew or Not Jew