Just because your name ends with "berg" doesn't make you a Jew. Sure, we have cartoonist Rube Goldberg, sports agent Leigh Steinberg, baseball player turned spy Moe Berg, and actor Steve Guttenberg. And yet, Mark Wahlberg does not join the latter on the list of berg-ending Jewish thespians.

Wahlberg comes from mostly Irish stock. The "berg" trickled in from Swedish roots, but we are not gonna dwell on the ending to claim Mark as one of us. Sure, he has acted in some choice roles, but we are not exactly talking about Dustin Hoffman here.

Besides, Wahlberg is not as cool as he seems. Let's not forget that underwear ad, or the funky bunch, or a stint in the early version of the New Kids on the Block, or... hate crimes. (Yes, look that one up: hate crimes!) No, we're not gonna dwell on this one at all.