April 3, 1986 —
Young Amanda Bynes is half Jewish, half Catholic, and says about religion that "I haven't decided yet". So, we're here to help out!
|Religion Leader||The pope||None|
|Advantage: Jews. Go to G-d. Go directly to G-d. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.|
|Biggest Disaster||The Irish Potato Famine||Barbra Streisand|
|Advantage: Catholics. Not even close.|
|Advantage: Jews. Marshmallow peeps taste like cardboard. Plus, have you seen what the goyim wear on Easter? Sheesh.|
|Advantage: Push. Sure, Christmas is celebrated by millions, has become synonymous with happiness in American culture and has tons and tons of gifts but Chanukah has... something... we think...|
|Advantage: No one. Because when we eat crackers, no one wins.|
|Madonna||Mother of Jesus||Wanna-be Jew|
|Advantage: Catholics. Sigh. You're welcome to take her back now, by the way.|
|Sunday School Teachers||Nuns with Rulers||Cantors with Guitars|
|Advantage: Jews. To be fair, the nuns with rulers are only slightly more painful, but it's enough.|
|Church or Temple Leader||Priest||Rabbi|
|Advantage: Jews. (Comment about priests removed to not offend our Catholic readers.)|
Well, it's pretty close, but at the end it's abundantly clear that... What's this? Amanda has already described herself as Jewish? That's great, except... Now what are we going to do with our wonderful chart!?
Verdict: Borderline Jew.
April 20, 2009