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    B. J. Novak

    Jew Score:
    11

    I4

    O4

    K3
    (Benjamin Joseph Manaly Novak)
    July 31, 1979 —

    Back in the B.J. Blazkowicz profile, we wrote:

    We can say with confidence that no Jew EVER has or will refer to himself as BJ.

    Why did we say this? Well, basically, we made the assumption that Jews are smart people who know better than to choose to call themselves something as dumb as BJ. After all, actress Allison Doody is not Jewish. Nor would you ever assume that she could be: "A Jew would change that name," you'd say confidently.

    So congrats to actor/writer B.J. Novak for proving us wrong. No matter how much we like his character Ryan on the Office (an underrated performance, honestly), we just look at him and think: idiot.

    Seriously. BJ. BJ?! When you have a perfectly good name like Ben? Why not just change your last name to Penislicker, too, while you're at it?

    Sorry, but we just can't respect that in anyone, even people we generally like.

    Verdict: Jew.

    May 20, 2009

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