January 18, 1955 —
In a parallel universe, Kevin Costner's "Waterworld" is a masterpiece. The critically acclaimed, highest-grossing movie of all time.
In that parallel universe, Kevin Costner is the biggest star on the planet. He is the most wanted man in parallel Hollywood. When he headlines a movie, it's a guarantee for success.
And in that parallel universe, there are various websites that claim that Kevin Costner is Jewish.
WAIT! Stop the presses! You are telling us that... there are websites in THIS universe that claim Costner is Jewish?
Surely, that can't be right... German/Irish/Cherokee/Baptist Kevin Costner? Jewish? Why would anyone EVER make that claim?
We sure won't.
Not in this universe.
Verdict: Not a Jew.
June 1, 2009