Jews are everywhere. From the fjords of Norway to the deserts of Ethiopia, from the tundra of Siberia to the pampas of Argentina, you will find Jews. And it is those pampas that we will focus on today, for Argentina and neighboring Chile received their fair share of Jewish immigration a century ago.

Now, most of those Jews assimilated and converted, but some remain. Take the Argentinian national team at this year's World Cup, for instance. It was coached by a Jew, Jose Pekerman, and captained by a Jew, Juan Pablo Sorin. Yes, Sorin is a Jew, even with the mullet and the "Juan Pablo" (which, for the obtuse, translates to "John Paul", about as goy as you can get without being named "Christopher").

Now, Sorin's Jewishness might be somewhat latent, as he is supposedly known to cross himself. Hmmm. A tad sad, really. Does he want to fit in with his mostly Catholic teammates, or is he only ethnically Jewish, but not religiously?

Come on, Juan Pablo. Embrace your inner Jew. At least for our sake; how many chances for a World Cup captain will we ever get?