Who was Mary Magdalene?

Was she a common street whore, who walked the streets of Jerusalem, peddling her body to every comer, including, quite possibly, a few of Jesus' apostles, because, face it, unless they were a bunch of feygeles, after hanging out with a bunch of dudes, they'd need some female lovin'?

Was she Jesus' wife, because, face it, at the time it would be quite uncommon for a 33-year-old man (unless he was a feygele) to not have a wife, and then, wouldn't you think that the woman present at his crucifixion (other than his mother, of course), would be his wife, and not, just, you know, a common street whore, and if she was, in fact, his wife, wouldn't it mean that Jesus was, oh, just a tad less pure than some want you to believe, and then, in all honesty, what is there to gain from him being pure, and not just being a man, a normal man (even if you subscribe to the whole Son of G-d theory, he's still a man, no?), a man who couldn't help but have his urges?

And, most importantly, was she a Jew, for if Jesus had carnal relations with her, as speculated above, it's more likely than not that he would pick a spouse of the Jewish persuasion, and even if they didn't have such relations, it's hard to imagine her being anything but Jewish, since most of Jesus' followers were, and even if they weren't, then they would have become so by following Jesus' teachings, because face it, in life he was just a Jewish rabbi, and in death, well, it's not for us to decide?

So who was Mary Magdalene? A whore, Jesus' wife, a Jew?

Why couldn't she have been all three?