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    Lyle Alzado

    Jew Score:
    8

    I3

    O2

    K3
    April 3, 1949 – May 14, 1992

    Lyle Alzado was an angry, angry man.

    Most famous for his time with the Los Angeles Raiders defense of the early 80s, Alzado was a beast of a player who eventually inspired the NFL rule against throwing one's helmet at another player (to be fair, a rule like that was probably going to show up eventually, with or without Alzado's antics).

    While many of his teammates and friends claim Alzado was a cute widdle cuddly wuddly puddy tat off the field, it's clear he was anything but on it (and color us a little skeptical about the first half — Alzado's community service and guest appearances on the Super Mario Bros Super Show notwithstanding). What made him such a mad man? There are theories.

    Some say it was his upbringing. Sources describe his father as a "street fighter." And not the cool, fireball throwing, military uniform wearing, Japanese yelling type of street fighter we all know and love, either.

    Others, including Alzado himself when he was still with us, blamed the steroids. Alzado was one of the first pro athletes to admit to heavy anabolic steroid use (claiming he began in 1969). That he was prone to sudden, uncontrollable rages seems more than a strange coincidence.

    But no, we at JONJ believe it was a third, much more logical reason: Alzado was Jewish on his mother's side. And we all know that that boiling Hebrew blood is not something we can hold inside ourselves. It demands to be let out in torrents of righteous, virulent rage.

    Yeah. We know. Probably not.

    Verdict: Borderline Jew.

    December 31, 2010

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