Throat feeling a little sore? Looking a little jaundiced? Perhaps your cholesterol test came back and those LDLs are looking a little high? Well, my friend, healers from around the globe have a solution just for you: Jew's ear.

That's right, a Jew's ear!

Bet you thought that kind of medieval, backwards, folktale bullshit went out with the eyes of newt and the wing of bat, but you'd be wrong. A little tickle in the throat? No worries, we'll just grab Chaim from down the street and you'll be a slice away from feeling a-ok.

Why a Jew's ear? Who knows? But there it is, smack dab on the front page of any Google search. The healing properties of Leah's lobes. The soothing results of boiling Aaron's antennae. The delicacy (yes, the cannibalistic bastards!) of Rivka's receivers prepared properly in a Chinese soup!

What kind of a world is it where this is a reality of our daily lives?!

Oh — ha ha — it's a kind of mushroom.

Whoops.