Dear Mel Gibson,

Did I just write "Dear Mel Gibson"? Boy, that does not sound right. Anyway...

It is I, Judah Maccabbee. Yes, I've been dead for a couple of millennia. But that's besides the point.

So, how is it going, Mel? Read any good books lately? Slander any Jews recently? Plan to make ANY MOVIES?

You know, Mel, I gotta be honest with you. I liked "Lethal Weapon". Quite an enjoyable film. You were so believable as a nut job. Now? Everyone knows you're a nut job in real life as well.

So you want to make another historical picture. But do you have to do one on us Jews? Doesn't your own Christian history have more bleeding corpses that need to be publicized? Or perhaps you should find a Biblical story on the subject of infidelity. Maybe about someone leaving their wife of 30 years and eight children for a younger woman? That's gonna be somewhere in there? Nu?

Stay away, Mel. Let me rest in peace. I already have to deal with American Jews turning Hanukkah into a Jewish Christmas. You making a movie about my life? I didn't ask for this, Mel. I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!

And the worst thing?

Your association with me has denied me a perfect Jew Score!