Goyishe readers, we're gonna let you in on a little secret. There are some Jews out there who suffer from Christmas envy.

We honestly don't get it. What's so appealing about Christmas when we have Hanukkah? Eight day of presents versus one. Do the math.

Yet, these Jews exist. Some of them even marry shiksas so they can put up a Christmas tree in their house. Go figure.

So no, Jewish children don't go to bed waiting for Hanukkah Harry to bring them presents. Hanukkah Harry does not exist, not even as part of folklore; he's just created by Jews with Christmas envy.

Seriously, a bearded fat weirdo delivering presents in the middle of the night. How messed up does one have to be to come up with that?