You want us to write about Garfield: the large, orange, fictional cat? That's kind of a strange one.

Not for any of the reasons above. After all, we've profiled plenty of fictional flora and fauna. No, we'd be happy to discuss any manner of animal, be it two-dimensional or otherwise. And, in fact, we're particularly happy to profile a feline since it gives us a chance to discuss our (admittedly bizarre) belief that all cats are at least part Jewish.

The love of food, the love of sleep, the fact that all cats act like they're suffering from a massive headache at all times. Let's be clear, this makes them, if not Jewish by birth, then at least by temperament, no?

But Garfield? A cat that's so obviously Italian (to fit the theory we guess he'd be half? Or a convert? We'd have to think more about it) with his love of lasagna and his birth in an Italian ristorante? It just doesn't make sense for us to even waste our time talking about such a....

Wait. You meant you wanted us to profile Andrew Garfield, the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man?

OH. Well, he's ok, too.