Well, hello there. Welcome to New York City, Mr. and Mrs. Tourist! What do you want to see today?
Times Square? Really? You want to start with Times Square? That makes sense, we guess. It is The Crossroads of the World, after all. The Center of the Universe!
That's a McDonald's, they have those where you came from. Toys R Us, sure. The Disney Store over there. Yes, that's the Olive Garden. Nothing says New York City more than the Olive Garden!
It's culture you want, you say? Well, look at all the theaters! No, Cats is not playing anymore. Sad, we know. There are plenty of other terrific musicals, though!
That's statue? Well, that's George M. Cohan! Did you know that this is the only statue of an actor on all of Broadway? Yes, he was an actor, but also a playwright, composer, producer, dancer, singer... The King of Broadway! Why do you look so concerned, Mr. and Mrs. Tourist? No, he wasn't Jewish. Why the sigh of relief?
You know what, Mr. and Mrs. Tourist? We're just gonna let you be. The Olive Garden is right there, please enjoy your time. Yes, there MIGHT be some Jews there. Jesus H. Christ, Mr. and Mrs. Tourist!