Let's face it, the current US government is pretty dysfunctional. Republicans hate Democrats, liberals hate conservatives, congressmen can't agree on anything, no one gets along. It wasn't always like this.

For example, in the 80s, conservative Republican senator (and Jew) Chic Hecht struck an unlikely friendship with liberal Democratic senator John Kerry. And all it took was an apple.

You see, Hecht was eating a fruit salad, when he started to choke on a piece of an apple. The Republicans sitting around him weren't able to help Chic (What's with that name? What exactly is wrong with "Mayer"?), so he ran into the hall, where Kerry was passing by. The future presidential candidate administered the Heimlich, and Hecht was saved. A friendship was born that lasted until Hecht's passing.

So here's the solution to today's ineffective government: fruit salad. They just have to make sure to cut large slices... and hope that some of our politicians know how to administer the Heimlich.

And if a few of the congressmen don't survive? It can't be much worse than the current situation, right?