This is what life was like before the Internet.

Let's say you're male, in your teens, and horny (tautological, we know). Let's say it's... 1987. Just to pick a year out of the hat. When you're male, a teen, and horny you need some kind of "release." When it's 1987, said release is really, really hard to find.

You're not getting laid. Or any close approximation to laid. Because nothing turns a teenage girl off more than a teenage boy. Your porn options are 1. Magazine, which no one will sell you, 2. Porn videos, which no one will rent you, or 3. Porn TV channels, which no one will buy for you.

And so, horny male 80s teenager, you are left with but one option: pseudo porn. Basically, if actual porn is a lap dance from a semi-naked woman, 80s pseudo porn is watching someone else fantasizing about getting a lap dance.

Staying up till 2 AM to catch somewhat raunchy comedies with all the "good" parts cut out? Flipping to the unpaid-for porn network hoping to catch some extremely static-y boob? Playing a video game about a hapless joe trying to get some action with the (unfulfilled) promise of 8-bit lady parts?

Welcome to the 80s, my friend.

Of course, nowadays, you can't google Sesame Street without finding a picture of a va-jay-jay. There's a 9-year-old boy wandering around right now that's seen more labias than a gynecologist, and he's one of the more well-adjusted fellows.

Look, we're not arguing that what we have now is better necessarily. But we live in a universe where Leisure Suit Larry, once decried as horrible for being risque is now decried as horrible for being so... safe.

And, to us, that seems like progress.

Sort of.